Smosh Games One-Shots
by XxUnwrittenxX
Summary: A collection of one-shots with every Smosh Games pairing that you can think of, maybe a little crack!fics, and a whole lot of fluffy goodness!
1. The Vacation (Marhinki)

**A/N: Hello. Welcome to this work of writing. Since a LOT of you want me to write some Smosh Games one-shots (and a lot of you want Marhinki), I figured that I'll just keep all of them in this nifty little storage unit I call 'The Smosh Games Gold Mine'.  
Leave any suggestions as to a plot for one of these one-shots in a review or give them to me as a PM!**

**Title: The Smosh Games Gold Mine  
Summary: This is where my one-shots come to die. Just kidding. This is where I post all of my Smosh Games related one-shots, and where I post some random drabblings that I do that relate to the Smosh Games fanfiction community. So yeah. Kbai.  
Warnings: RANDOM MCRANDOMNESS. There may be some crack!fics although it will kill me to write them because I obviously have near perfect grammar. Also, some death, some suicide, some trigger warnings, some sexual-ish content, some gayness, some fluff, some rude language.  
Rating: T, although that could change should I choose to write smut. Nah. I think I'll stick to being the fanfiction poster child.**

* * *

**The Vacation**** (Pairing: Marhinki)**

Mari threw her bag in the back of the van and then opened the door to the back seat, where she would be sitting with Matt Sohinki for almost two hours until they got to the airport. She didn't know how she was going to manage it. She may just commit seppuku, she thought to herself.  
Now, she did have a small ray of hope, and that was that Matt would be nice to her. She had always had a small crush on Matt, and she thought that maybe the vacation would be just the thing she needed to clear out her head so that she could understand what she wanted and if she even truly had feelings for Matt at all. She knew that what she felt now were the symptoms of a mere schoolgirl crush, a passing phase, like her emo middle school days, but she didn't know if that was the beginning sign of true love for him.  
All Mari knew was that it felt a lot like heartburn.  
"WOOHOO!" exclaimed Joshua Ovenshire loudly from the middle seat, putting his gangly arms into the air. Mari knew that he wouldn't stay that happy for long, since Anthony was his seat buddy. "ROAD TRIP, BITCHES!"  
Anthony made no effort to even sound a little excited, as he waved his finger in an unenthusiastic circle and said in monotone, "Yippee." Mari knew that it was because he wasn't able to sit next to Ian. She knew exactly how close the two were-the buddy-buddy relationship that they incorporated into their videos wasn't a hoax, they were actually that good of friends. Anthony had nothing against Joshua, it was just that he would have preferred to have his best friend of almost forever next to him over this random guy he barely knew for two years.  
But Joshua was blind as a bat and couldn't tell David if there were any cars coming to save his life, which was why he was assigned middle seat duty.  
Suddenly, Mari heard Matt's voice really close to her ear and she jolted at the suddenness.  
"Are you as excited about this road trip as Joven is, or are you more on the Anthony side of things?" he asked, with a sly smirk on his face.  
Mari shrugged and said, "Eh, I'm kind of on the fence about it, I guess. I'm not like Jovie, but I'm not super bummed out like Anthony McSadface up there." She poked Anthony in the shoulder when she mentioned him, and he moved to try and get rid of her hand.  
"Shut up, you two. I swear to God, if we find you fornicating in the back seat by the time we get to the airport, you're paying for this entire vacation," Anthony replied, then turning and poking Matt and Mari both in their shoulders.  
Joshua chuckled, as did David and Ian.  
"Seriously, shut up," Mari said, but she could tell that she was blushing hard as she said it. She looked over at Matt, who was rubbing the spot where Anthony had poked his shoulder tenderly.  
"Well, it's true." David smirked and looked back at them from the rear view mirror, giving them the patented Laser Stare that always seemed to either freak out people or make fangirls squeal.  
Joshua just looked at the mirror into David's eyes for a little while too long, which made Mari a little suspicious.  
Suddenly, Matt sat up abruptly. "Wait! Is THAT why you put us in the back seat together? Because you think that we're going to have intercourse?!"  
The others just looked at him and laughed a little before Ian finally said, "No. We put you back there because we THINK you two have some unresolved tension brewing." Ian raised his eyebrows up and down in a suggestive manner, and soon enough, the rest of them besides Matt and Mari were doing it too.  
Mari slapped Joshua and Anthony on the backs of their necks, but not hard, and she leaned back into her seat, crossing her arms. "I hate you all. Why the hell did I have to come on this goddamned trip?"  
Matt put his hand on her shoulder, which only frustrated Mari more. How the hell were they supposed to make the others believe that they didn't have some kind of relationship forming in one way or another when Matt just kept unconsciously making not only the guys, but MARI HERSELF, believe that there was some form of a romantic chemistry between them?  
She shook his hand off of her shoulder and pulled her phone out of her hoodie pocket. She went to her songs, searched her pocket for a pair of earbuds, then immediately whispered to herself, "Goddammit."  
Mari took in a deep breath before tapping on Matt's shoulder. "Hey, um, can I borrow a pair of earbuds?" she asked.  
Matt searched in his pocket and pulled out a pair, but then he said, "I will, if you agree to let me listen to the music, too. These are my only pair." Mari nodded and plugged the earbuds into the headphones jack of her phone, turning on the song "Sail" by AWOLnation.  
The van jolted and began to move forward, causing the earbud to fall out of Mari's ear. She picked it up, but not before realizing that Matt had lost his too, and had been grabbing for the same earbud.  
She knew that her hand was clammy, but Matt's hand wouldn't move, and Mari wasn't going to be insensitive again like she had just been about Matt's hand on her shoulder. She looked up at Matt and whispered, barely audible, "What the serious hell? Don't you know that I'm not supposed to show..." She quieted herself before letting the secret about her crush on him slip out of her mouth.  
"Show what? They already think that we have something," he replied, smiling, and to Mari, it felt like he was inching slowly closer each second. She could feel the panic rising in her throat, and she moved away and reached for the other earbud, tangling the wire.  
Matt let out a nervous chuckle before saying, "Well shit, Mari."  
Mari's thoughts were summed up in one word. GODDAMMIT. "Uh... sorry" was the only thing that Mari could come up with to say.  
She grabbed the wire, yanking part of it out of Matt's hands, as she proceeded to untangle it. But as she was doing this, Mari could see out of her peripheral vision that Matt kept looking at her.  
Mari made a mental note to herself to never have a crush on anyone ever again.  
She sighed and said, "Sohinki, I swear to God if you keep staring at me for ONE MORE SECOND..." Mari didn't finish the sentence because she wouldn't know how to threaten him, and also because she wasn't exactly thrilled to have to threaten the one guy she actually had feelings for to stop looking at her with lovey-dovey eyes like Joshua did with David.  
Matt took the hint and looked away, but he said, "Mari, don't let them get to you. You know that they're just kidding. Even if they weren't, you still shouldn't be bothered. I know that you don't feel the same way as I do, but their teasing shouldn't affect you. It doesn't affect me, and I'm the one that told them that I liked you in the first place!"  
Suddenly, Mari jolted upwards. Matt had told them that HE had liked HER? She felt queasy. SHE had told the others that SHE liked HIM.  
She knew why they made fun of them now.  
Because they all knew that they both had feelings for each other but would never act on it.  
Mari finished untangling the earbuds and she handed one of them to Matt. He took it, not bothering to keep his hand against hers for the sake of maybe getting her to change her mind.  
Mari groaned. She just wanted everything to be over and them to already be at the hotel.

* * *

Turns out that when you're trying to listen to music and avoid talking about feelings, time flies by pretty quickly.  
Mari and Matt were at the hotel unpacking before they even knew it.  
Anthony and Joshua had coaxed Ian and David to go to the pool almost immediately, while Mari had chosen to stay and unpack her things before joining them. Matt had agreed with her, and the two were alone in the room.  
She would like to mention to those concerned that there were NOT any fanfiction-eqsue things happening in the room. They were simply unpacking their luggage. Nothing more ever happened.  
Until Mari had finished packing.  
She found her swimsuit (a coral-colored bikini with a gold-colored dragon running across the boobs *which really wasn't that great, save for the fact that it was a dragon* that she had fallen in love with at the store, although she would have liked to have bought something a little nerdier in her opinion) and went into the bathroom to put it on.  
Mari had thought nothing of it until while she was putting the top of her suit on, she heard Matt knocking on the door.  
"Uh, hey, Mar, I really need to pee, can I come in whenever you're done in there?" he asked.  
Mari smirked a little. Even in desperate times of potty emergency, Matt Sohinki was still a gentleman. She answered back as she adjusted the top, "Sure! I'm done now, come on in!"  
Matt opened the door and she exited, then sitting on her bed. It felt comfy enough. The only complaint that she really had was that there wasn't much to the blankets that were provided; Mari was probably going to freeze. The AC was on sky-high, and Matt, she knew, wouldn't turn it down because he doesn't get cold easily, unlike her.  
She waited for Matt to come out of the bathroom and when he finally did, she asked, "Can you ask the hotel clerk to call for some blankets? I'm going to catch hypothermia if you don't turn the AC down before we go to sleep."  
Matt nodded and then dialed the number for the clerk.  
As he talked to the clerk, Mari noticed something about Sohinki that she had never really seen before. He was courteous and kind, she knew, but he was patient. That was something that she desperately had tried to find in past boyfriends. She felt her heart swell as Matt kept talking to the clerk.  
When he finished talking, Mari then asked him, "So are we going to ignore the whole car incident like it never happened, or are we going to do something about it? Frankly, I think that we should talk about it."  
Matt looked startled, but said nothing for a while. Then, he began to speak. "Um, Mari, if you don't like me, then I understand that. I mean... I've just been really pressured by the guys to admit it, and I figured that it would help you out by me telling you so that they would stop bothering you. I-"  
Mari cut him off by kissing him.  
The kiss took Matt by surprise, Mari knew, but she could feel him slowly starting to accept it and kiss back. She put her arms around his neck as he put one hand on her waist and the other on her cheek. Mari could literally feel the fireworks exploding in her head, and she wanted to smile, but she didn't want to break this perfect moment.  
Mari had always known from the second she began to feel something towards Sohinki that this moment would be magical. And it was. Sure, they were in the middle of a freezing hotel room. Sure she was in a bikini with a dragon on her boobs. And sure, the hotel room service was knocking at the door, most likely with Mari's blankets. But nothing could ruin this for her.  
Matt was the first to pull away, after what had felt like ages. "Um, I think that we should answer that," he said, pointing his thumb at the door.  
Mari nodded and smiled, biting her lower lip. She was anxious for Matt's reaction. She was hoping desperately that he would kiss her again.  
After Matt had retrieved her blankets for her, she asked him, "Well? Does that do it for you? Are you happy? Because I am."  
Matt had a surprised look on his face, and he said, "R-Really?"  
"Hells yes, why else was I kissing you?" she replied, her grin extending from ear to ear.  
And with that she pulled in again, kissing him a second time.

* * *

**I literally almost died from the fluff overload.**

**Stay Unwritten, Reviewer Party! :)**


	2. Amen (Anthari)

**A/N: Welcome everyone, to the second installment in this amazingly beautiful work of fiction that I keep called The Smosh Games Gold-Mine. This is an Anthari fanfic... *shivers***

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hozier or Smosh Games. If I did, I would be swimming in da Benjamins. But first, I'd be swimming in da sanitizer. I don't know where the hell all that money has been. Jesus. I might catch gono-syph-a-herpe-titis. Or worse: the flu.**

**And also, WARNING!: If you're not already appalled by the Anthari in this, what if I told you that this is an OOC Anthari fanfic? Oh, that still doesn't make you want to cry? Evil!Mari might do it for ya. Beware. She be wicked wicked, yo.**

* * *

Amen (Anthari)

_My lover's got humor, she's the giggle at a funeral. Knows everybody's disapproval, I should have worshiped her sooner.  
_  
Anthony took one look into Mari's eyes and knew that he was at home. He had never realized it until after he had been engaged to Kalel. She was the funniest girl he ever knew, and that was saying something. She was just effortlessly hilarious, which was far more attractive than girls who were desperate for laughs in the hopes that guys will think they're funny. Anthony knew that Mari was a rare commodity, and that he should have known that it was her sooner. Now, here he was, lying right next to her, and he knew that this was where he was meant to be.

_If the heavens ever did speak, she's the last true mouthpiece. Every Sunday's getting more bleak, a fresh poison each week.  
_  
Anthony felt a strange burning sensation every time he held her, though. He wasn't sure what it was, but he knew that he never felt it with Kalel. This must have meant that he was meant to be with Mari. Mari was captivating. Anything she said was like gospel to him. Whatever she wanted was hers, all she had to do was ask. But the strange burning sensation stayed with him every day for longer and longer periods of time until he was completely numb. This was the day that his nerves finally grew accustomed to the tinging fire. He could feel her heartbeats through her fingertips, and he was sure that she could feel his. This was it. The moment when Anthony would pop the question. He knew that they had only been together for a couple months, but he knew, with every fiber of his being, this was the girl he was made for, and the girl that was made for him.

_"We were born sick," you heard them say it._

"Mariko Takahashi, I love you with all of my heart, and I would be so glad if you would do me the honor of marrying me," he had said. He knew that it sounded awfully pretentious, but for her, he would be a prince. A knight in shining armor. The king that throws himself to the guillotine for his queen. He got down to one knee and pulled out the box. He had gotten an entirely different ring for Mari. She didn't deserve the same ring that he had given Kalel. Kalel would still be in his heart, but Mari was the woman he loved now. He needed a special ring, just for her, to show her how much he truly loved her.  
Mari shook her head and said, "Anthony, I'm not ready yet. Give me a few more months, and then maybe I'll be ready to marry you. I'm sorry."  
Anthony didn't care how long it took Mari to say yes, as long as she said it. "Okay. I'll wait. Anything for you. I love you," he told her.  
Mari didn't answer, but the shy smile that crept across her face was all he needed to know that she loved him back.

_My church offers no absolutes, she tells me "worship in the bedroom". The only Heaven I'll be sent to is when I'm alone with you._

So the next couple of months were nirvana for Anthony. He knew that they didn't need any ring or legal documents to know that they were in love forever. The tingling sensation was still gone from him, but he knew that it was still there. No matter what happened. Anthony didn't care if he died old or if he died the day after the two finally would get engaged: he was happy, and he knew that Mari would still be the love of his life.  
Mari's dark eyes crackled like fire when they touched. Anthony could see it. It was the sexiest thing he had ever seen. Something good was happening between the two of them, and he knew that he didn't want any of it to end. There would be no end, at least not for him. This was the peak of his life. Mari was the woman he knew he would grow old with. No if's, and's, or but's about it.

_I was born sick, but I love it. Command me to be well, amen. Amen, amen..._

Anthony had been so blind to not have noticed that he had been in love with Mari this entire time. He would make up for it in the years that they were married, he said. Finally, Anthony popped the question again.  
"Mari, I know that you said that you still want some time to think about the whole marriage thing, but I love you, and we don't have to get married right away. We can wait for however long you need us to. I don't care, as long as we're still together. Please, Mari, I know that you love me, and I know that this is a big step in the right direction for us." Anthony's entire body shook with anticipation. He could hear her voice, telling him yes, holding him tightly, and then kissing him... He wanted that reality. No, scratch that. He NEEDED that reality.  
Mari took the ring from the box and slipped it onto her finger. "God, Anthony," she said, and Anthony noticed tears in her eyes. "If I'm so happy that you're asking me this question, then why does the ring feel so heavy on my finger?" Mari began to cry, and Anthony took the ring off of her finger and set it back in the box.  
"It's okay," he began, "I can have it re-sized soon. It doesn't matter."  
Mari shook her head. "No... I don't want it re-sized, Anthony... I don't think that I'll ever be ready for marriage. I'm just not the commitment type. But, if you'll stay with me until I finally get over my fear of marriage, then I'll happily accept."

* * *

_Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I can tell you my sins while you sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death, good God, let me give you my life._

That had been only a couple months ago. Anthony is again unable to move, due to Mari's dose of sleeping pills in his last glass of water. He sighs, knowing that she's going to start doing this again. She had been cold turkey for almost an entire week now, why did she suddenly decide to start torturing him again?  
Anthony doesn't like to call it torture, since nothing is torture when he's with Mari.  
"Good, you're finally awake!" she says, happily, clapping her hands a couple times. She has laid some various tools next to either side of him, he notices. He moves his head but nothing else. He won't try to escape, since he knows that this makes Mari happy, and whenever she's happy, he's happy. "I was really worried that dose killed you! Which would have sucked, since then I wouldn't have a good time torturing you."  
Anthony smiles and says, "I wouldn't have minded being dead because of you, Mari."  
Mari smirks and gives him a peck on the lips. "Yeah, well, I would have minded. Now, open wide."  
Anthony opens his mouth and prepares for the novacaine. He knows it's coming. Mari tells him that she does it because she doesn't want him to feel much pain. Anthony knows that the only reason she does it is because he would begin to protest should he feel his own teeth being pulled out and his tongue being cut. He can feel the blood in his mouth when it happens. Hell, he almost drowned because of it twice last week, let alone the countless times last month.  
But he knows that Mari is doing what she really loves to do, and he doesn't want to get between her and what she wants.  
He sees the pliers enter his mouth. She's pulling out one of his top teeth this time. Anthony has begun to notice a pattern in Mari's techniques. She starts with the mouth, with the teeth. She takes one from the top on even numbered days of the month, and ones from the bottom on odds. She then cuts his tongue in a grid, kind of like a hashtag. Then, she starts to cut him and beat him up on his torso. So on and so forth, each day, at least twice a week. Anthony knows that Mari will be back again for more tomorrow.  
But Anthony doesn't care. He loves Mari wholeheartedly, and he'll be damned if he doesn't give her everything she deserves.

* * *

_If I'm a pagan of the good times, my lover's the sunlight. To keep the goddess on my side, she demands a sacrifice._

She first started the week after Anthony proposed to her the second time.  
When Anthony woke up, he saw nothing but blackness, illuminated only by a table lamp. He tried to get up from the table, but his hands and feet were strapped down to it. He felt numb. Had he been drugged?  
Then he heard her voice. "Anthony? Are you awake?" she asked him. He heard her footsteps coming from up the stairs.  
"Mari?" he began to say, but that's when he realized that there was something gagging him to prevent him from speaking.  
The muffled noises came out, but Mari seemed to hear them and understand them, as she giggled, walked over to Anthony's side, and kissed his cheek. "Hi, honey. I'm really sorry for having to do this, but... my last test subject kind of died on me last year, and so I needed someone new. You understand, right? I mean, why else would I be rejecting your proposals?"  
Anthony felt his heart leap into his throat.

_To drain the whole sea, get something shiny._

"Oh, did you really think that I was in love with you?" she asked him, patting him on the hand. "No, I was just pretending. Don't get me wrong, you're a good guy and everything, but... you just really aren't my type. No offense. I liked pretending to love you FAR more than I did all of my other subjects. We've known each other for so long, at least part of my acting was true. I really do like you. Just not in the sense that I want to be your wife."  
Anthony had felt something hard and cold on her finger as she patted his hand.  
"But thanks for the ring. It was sweet. I think I'll keep it." She stared at the ring admiringly before lowering her head to Anthony's. She gave him a long kiss. "But you're not going to refuse testing, are you?"  
Anthony now knew that Mari had never really loved him, but he still couldn't help but feel attracted to her.  
Even though she was now his captor.

_Something meaty for the main course, that's a fine looking high horse. What you got on the table? We've got a starving faithful.  
_

And when Anthony saw Mari storing chunks of his flesh in the fridge (or was it really even his?), he knew that he must be truly in love with her, otherwise he would have never put up with anything like this had it not been Mari.  
He smiled at her, feeling a little nauseous, but other than that, he realized something. The burning sensation he felt when Mari had touched him had begun again. He was so ecstatic that it was back that he didn't care about what had caused it's return.  
He just knew that he needed it again.

_That looks tasty, that looks plenty, this is hungry work._

Mari kept feeding him it. He had to admit, with her cooking, he could barely tell that it was human flesh.  
The first time that he ate it, it made his stomach churn, but he knew that Mari would be disappointed if he didn't eat it. After a couple meals, he grew accustomed to it, so much so, that by then, he had completely blocked out the fact that he was eating people that Mari had killed.  
He smiled at her and said, "This is really good. I like the use of the seasonings." She nodded and put out her fork in a "cheers"-like motion. Anthony did the same to her and then began to eat again.  
"I love that I get to cook this and eat it with you, Anthony," she said. "I mean, torturing you is hard work, and it makes me SO hungry, but then I get to eat with you and I feel so much better."  
Anthony nodded. He just hoped that Mari would feel something more for him as the days kept going. More and more times, Mari began to torture him less and less, and she started kissing him before she began to torment him.  
He smiled at the thought that maybe he was getting through to her.

* * *

_No masters or kings when the ritual begins, there is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sins. In the madness and soil of that earthly scene, only then I am human, only then I am clean. Amen, amen, amen._

Mari is suddenly stopping the torture.  
Anthony is confused. He only wants what she wants, and she has just been cutting into his rib cage, when suddenly, she just... stops.  
"Mari?" he asks, his head raised to look at her. "Are you okay?"  
Mari just shakes her head, and she begins to cry. Anthony can feel her teardrops on his stomach. He reaches out to touch her hair in an attempt to console her, but she shakes his hand off.  
"No," she replies. "I was just starting to fall in love with you, Anthony..."  
"What's going on?" he asks.  
Mari sobs. "I... I fell in love with someone else. I'm sorry, I didn't want to tell you like this, but... S-Sohinki and I have been getting closer and I really think that I love him, but... Dammit, I love you too, Anthony."  
Anthony wants to say something, but his heart has just been ripped in two. Sohinki, of all people. He wants to laugh hysterically. This is all a dream, he begins to tell himself. Mari still loves me, and she's just fucking with me.  
"WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO DAMN DIFFICULT?!" she screams, lunging the knife into his side. Anthony winces.  
"M-Mari, you haven't... numbed me... yet..." he says, through cries of anguish.  
Mari screams the phrase, "I'M FUCKING SORRY! I LOVE YOU! I'M FUCKING SORRY!" as she keeps lunging the knife into Anthony.  
He wants to die already.  
There is nothing on this earth that he wants more than to die.  
Mari no longer loves him. He just wants to die already, so he doesn't have to see the look of sheer agony on her face as she keeps stabbing him repeatedly.  
But before his final breath, Anthony looks at Mari, suddenly realizing something that he hadn't realized before.  
He had always loved Kalel, even when he was with Mari.  
"Amen," he says, trying to tell her that he understands her pain and that he was okay.  
"Amen."

* * *

**THAT DOES IT**

**OH MY COD**

**WHAT IS LIFE**

**HORY SHIET**

**I'M SO DONE**


	3. A Christmas Miracle (Jovencorn)

**A/N: WELCOME TO THE SMOSH GAMES GOLD MINE! Today... I'm going to write something that DOESN'T involve Evil Mari or ANY Mari at all. Because today is JOVENCORN TIME! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY**

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS BITCHES**

* * *

A Christmas Miracle (Jovencorn)

Joven and Lasercorn had stayed behind at the HQ to work on the decorations. Wes was the only other person left in the building, but that was because he was the one that drove Joven home after work, considering that the two lived in the same house. Lasercorn figured that this was his big chance to get Joven to fall in love with him. He just needed Wes to get the hell out of the room so that he could put up the surprise.  
Joven smiled at Lasercorn and said, "Are you going to hand me the next decorations or what?"  
Lasercorn almost forgot that he had been occupied in helping Joven while he was daydreaming about the next thing that was to ensue, but he snapped out of his trance and handed Joven another window ornament.  
Wes looked over at Lasercorn, waiting for the signal. Lasercorn shook his head in the slightest way, indicating that he wasn't ready for Wes to set up the surprise yet. Wes gave a microscopic nod to show that he understood Lasercorn and went back to focusing on Joven's decorating skills.  
Lasercorn would never tell anyone else this, but he had been in love with Joven for a long ass time.  
You know, except Wes, of course.  
Joven was always the yin to his yang. Peppy, optimistic, and full of cheer, when Lasercorn was the Eeyore of the group. Christmas was Joven's favorite holiday, so Lasercorn decided that today would be as good a day to spring the surprise on him as ever. Plus, it got super cute on Christmas.  
"You know what I love about getting to do the decorations for the office?" Joven asked Lasercorn, who was busy giving Wes the signal.  
Lasercorn gave Wes the mouthed out word, "Santa", and Wes made up an excuse, which was "Potty break for Wes!"  
"You get to fuck up the office with as much cheer and holiday-ness as you can?" replied Lasercorn.  
Joven shook his head. "It's getting to see the ornaments and amazing things that we've gotten from our fans all around me. That's what makes everything all worthwhile, don't you agree?"  
Lasercorn hadn't really thought about it. He never got as cheerful for anything as Joven did, but Lasercorn could finally see it. The twinkle in Joven's eyes, seeing all of the things that the Smosh Games fans had made for the team posted up on the walls, on the tree, in the windows, on the desks... Lasercorn felt his heart swell with Christmas joy.  
Like the Grinch, only Lasercorn wasn't green and hairy and he was in love with someone.  
"Yeah. That's the best part about doing this channel. The best part about doing any of our other channels. I never really saw that until now. It must be your corniness rubbing off on me. Jesus, I knew you were a parasite."  
Joven smiled and Lasercorn suddenly understood that everything that he had just said was true. Joven was the best kind of parasite. A parasite that took nothing from you and gave you so much in return. Joven was a parasite, but he wasn't a leech.  
Lasercorn smiled back at Joven and handed him more decorations. A chibi drawing of Mari, Sohinki riding on a red panda, Lasercorn and Joven holding hands...  
Wait, what?  
Lasercorn didn't hand that drawing over to Joven. He enjoyed the art style. It was kind of anime, kind of chibi, and a little realistic. He couldn't really describe it. It was adorable, and he kind of wanted to keep it for himself.  
Joven noticed that he was looking at one of the drawings, and he stepped off of the ladder to look at it with him. "That drawing's pretty cute. It must be a Lasershire fangirl," he said, startling Lasercorn.  
"Uh, I think that they actually call it Jovencorn. Like Sohinki does," Lasercorn responded, hoping that Joven wouldn't question him about his knowledge of the ship. He hoped that Joven would just chalk it up to being flooded with the questions on Twitter. Anything but an interrogation at this point.  
Joven smirked and said, "Well, either way, it's a ship name."  
Lasercorn nodded and looked up at Joven. Joven was no longer looking at the drawing. He was looking down at him, and Lasercorn felt his face getting hot. He smiled back at Joven and shyly looked back at the drawing.  
"Hand it over," Joven said, putting out a hand.  
Lasercorn looked at his hand and then back to the drawing. "But didn't you say that you didn't want any shippy things around the office?"  
Joven raised his eyebrows. "Really? I said nothing of the sort. Besides, we already put up three Marhinki drawings, five Iancorn drawings, two Ianthony paintings, and a Marishire ornament. I don't think that I said anything about shippy things. And they're all adorable. I'm sure that we could live with a Jovencorn drawing on the wall." Joven took the paper out of Lasercorn's hands and began to get back on the ladder.  
Wes finally came back and saw the drawing. "Awwwwwwww that's adorable." He began to waggle his eyebrows at Lasercorn who began to blush again.  
"Shut the hell up. It's just fanart. From our fans. Who love us. And we're grateful, right, Joven?" Lasercorn took the opportunity to look up at Joven.  
Joven nodded. "Yeah, Wes. I for one am not ashamed to put up anything on this wall. Everything that people have given us is something to be proud of. Even if it's smutty fanfiction or cute little drawings."  
Wes smiled at Lasercorn and gave him the symbol that the surprise was ready. An OK sign with his fingers.  
Lasercorn smiled and gave him a thumbs up to thank him.  
"Hey, I think the room looks pretty good for now. Why don't we go out for dinner and come back to finish up?" asked Lasercorn to Joven.  
Joven looked around him and said, "Okay, sure. Let's go. You're paying, right?"  
Lasercorn rolled his eyes. "Unbelievable. You really think that I would pay for BOTH of us. I was thinking that we go Dutch. Okay?"  
Joven was off the ladder and he grabbed his coat. "Sure, that's okay with me if that's okay with you."  
Wes smiled and said, "I'm in! Let's go!"

* * *

The three were almost out the door when Wes called out, "Oh shit, guys. There's mistletoe there! I wonder who put that up?"  
Joven and Lasercorn were directly underneath the doorway.  
Joven was smiling and said, "Well, we might as well follow tradition, right?"  
Lasercorn was surprised and asked him, "R-Really, are you sure? I mean, we don't HAVE to if you don't want to-"  
"Just shut up," Joven said, grabbing Lasercorn and pulling him toward him.  
The kiss was short and sweet, but it was heaven for Lasercorn. And JOVEN was the one who initiated it, no less.  
Wes cheered for the two as Joven pulled away.  
Lasercorn knew that his entire face was red. "Oh, uh... heh, I... that was..."  
Joven smirked and said, "Perfect?"  
Suddenly, a girl's voice rang out. "OH MY GOD, WES WASN'T LYING! Oh it's FUCKING ADORABLE!"  
Mari.  
"Jesus, get a room, you two."  
Ian.  
"God, it's like a bad fanfiction come to life."  
Anthony.  
"WHOO! I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! I TOLD YOU!"  
Sohinki.  
"Dammit! Fine, Sohinki, here's your five bucks. Go crazy."  
Flitz.  
Joven smiled. "Hey you guys. Did Wes send you?"  
Wes nodded with a smile on his face.  
Mari and Sohinki were holding hands and they were both fangirling over the moment that Joven and Lasercorn had just shared. "DID YOU SEE IT?" asked Mari, and Matt nodded excitedly.  
"Wait, hold on," Lasercorn asked, "are you two also a thing?"  
Mari and Matt nodded at him. "Uh huh. It was the non-denominational holiday tree that made me realize just how much I like him. Did you see the Marhinki drawings in the windows? THEY'RE SO CUTE!" Mari said, first to Lasercorn, then to Matt.  
"Not as cute as you, though," Matt replied, and Mari smiled. The two kissed and Joven looked right to Lasercorn.  
Lasercorn looked up at the mistletoe and asked Joven, "So... did you like the surprise?"  
Joven smiled and said, "Yeah, but... you want to know what's funny?"  
Lasercorn thought about it and shook his head. "What?"  
Wes intruded by telling Lasercorn, "Joven contacted me about putting up mistletoe so that he could kiss you, too."  
He couldn't believe it. His eyes bulged out and he asked Joven, "Really?"  
Joven nodded.  
"You both gave the signal at the same exact time," Wes said, smiling.

* * *

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS YOU HO HO HOES**

**THIS IS THE PINNACLE OF MY FANFICTION  
**

**STAY UNWRITTEN, REVIEWER PARTY :)**


	4. More Than THIS (Wesshire)

**A/N: Okay, so timelordsinc wanted me to write a Wesshire one-shot, so I figured eh. Why the heck not?  
And then my inner Jovencorn fangirl bitchslapped me in the face.  
She was all "JESUS UNWRITTEN DON'T YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THIS YOU JUST WROTE A BEAUTIFULLY CHEESY JOVENCORN FANFIC A COUPLE DAYS AGO WHY MUST YOU RESIST ME?!"  
But I did. So here ya go.**

**DISCLAIMER: A) I don't own the song, y'all.  
B) I don't own Smosh Games. Because if I did, there would still be Backseat Gaming and Button Bash.  
C) I also don't own "Take Me to Church" by Hozier from the previous Anthari fanfic. Just thought that since I was stupid and didn't put a disclaimer on that one, I'd save my ass from legal action. I do NOT want to have to hire Phoenix Wright. :/**

* * *

More Than THIS (Wesshire)

_I've got a lot to say to you, yeah I've got a lot to say. I've noticed your eyes are always glued to me, keeping them here and it makes no sense at all._

Joven confronted Wes about a week after it began.  
"Dude, you've been acting weird all week. What's wrong?" he asked him.  
Wes could feel the blood draining from his head. Normally, Wes would tell Joven, since they were best friends, coworkers, and roomies. But today, Wes really couldn't admit what he was actually feeling. He didn't want Joven to laugh at him. Or even worse: kick him out.  
See, Wes had been starting to fall in love with the tall, dorky, tattooed guy he'd been roomed with. And he hated it. He didn't understand why of all people, it had to be Joven. He could have had a lovely relationship with someone who was nice, sweet, attractive, and not Joven. He knew that he could have. He knew that he was attractive, but he didn't understand why it had to be JOVEN.  
Joven sighed and said, "Clearly, you're either not listening to me or you're blocking me out. What did I do? Tell me, for the love of God, Wes." Joven put a hand on Wes's shoulder and began to shake him lightly, as if to wake him from a trance.  
But, alas, this was to no avail, as Wes was only focused on the fact that Joven was touching his shoulder.  
"Seriously, you've been staring at me really funny for the last six days. What the hell?" asked Joven once more.  
Finally Wes regained his senses and began to think up an excuse to tell Joven.  
'Your face has been bothering me lately.' Too douchey. 'You've had a booger hanging out of your nose for freaking ever.' Too stupid. 'Jesus Christ, Joven, don't you realize that I'm hopelessly in love with you and that you're pretty much the guy of my dreams but if I told you you would laugh at me and kick me out of the fucking house!' Too aggressive. And too true.  
"Uh... no reason. I... uh... Blame it on my ADD, baby," Wes said, deciding to take the humorous approach.  
Joven crossed his arms and said, "Really? You're going to quote songs with me now? This is what we've come to? God, Wes, you're hopeless."  
He then turned and went back to where he had originally been sitting, then not long after, he got up.  
"You want to play Mario Kart with me?" he asked Wes.  
Wes nodded, and as soon as Joven exited the room, Wes answered him with a simple "You don't know the half of it."

_They taped over your mouth, scribbled out the truth with their lies, you little spies. They taped over your mouth, scribbled out the truth with their lies, you little spies._

Later that night, Wes got up to get himself some water, when he heard a sound coming from Joven's bedroom.  
Wes, although having been told multiple times to not go into Joven's room (in a cartoon-esque "This Land Is Your Land, This Land Is My Land" style, no less), decided to ignore the rule to see what the ruckus was.  
When he opened the door, he was shocked to see Joven with tape across his mouth. Written on the tape was a two word phrase:  
"Loves Wes".  
Joven had been the one making noise, hoping for Wes to come in and help him get the tape off of his mouth.  
"Who the fuck did this to you?" asked Wes, after pulling the tape off of Joven's face.  
Joven took a while to recover from the sting of the tape being pulled off, but then he said, "I don't know. It was... someone in a black hoodie and jeans. I don't know... Th-thanks, Wes. You're the greatest roommate ever."  
Wes nodded. "I know, buddy. Now shut up and go to sleep. I'm staying here to watch over you to make sure that it doesn't happen again."  
Joven's eyes got wide. "Really? Are you sure? I mean, you don't have to. You're not Superman."  
"Not true. You know that I was once Superman. I had to change my name for protective purposes. Duh."  
Wes smiled when Joven laughed. "Oh yeah. Forgot. Sorry, Clark. Now go to bed so that you aren't a zombie tomorrow. You have to tape some Game Bangs with us. Did you forget?"  
"Oh yeah... shit. Maybe I shouldn't follow my superhuman instincts to protect you," was Wes's rebuttal.  
Joven smiled and said, "Exactly. Now leave."  
Wes took Joven's advice and left the room. The entire time, he was smiling like an idiot.

_Crush... crush... crush, crush, crush...  
Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone. Just th was just counting on..._

Wes couldn't stop the flood of dreams about being with Joven. He knew that they were unrealistic and stupid, but he couldn't overpower the will of his crush on Joven. There was no cure for Joven.  
That morning, Wes decided that he couldn't take it any longer. He had to tell someone. Anyone. Maybe even Joven.  
Well, since he WAS the closest person...  
"Hey, Joven, I think that I might be in love with you. Anyway, how is your morning?" he said, rather quickly, hoping that Joven wouldn't hear exactly what he said. But of course, Wes knew that there had to be something.  
There was ALWAYS something.  
"Wait, seriously?" Joven asked him in response.  
Wes cringed. "Uh... heh, yes?"  
Joven smirked. "Aww, that's an endearing quality, Wes. But first, before we do this, we have to find out who duct-taped my mouth shut last night."  
Wes's eyes grew wide. "Wait, so you mean that you like me too? Or..."  
Joven's smile only grew wider at Wes's reply.

_That never happened, I guess I'm dreaming again. Let's be more than... THIS._

* * *

Wes woke up. He wanted to scream. That dream had felt so real... he could feel the sincerity in Joven's voice. It had turned out that there was no duct-tape. There was no admittance to Joven. There was no smile in reply to said admittance.  
Wes sighed and got up to wake Joven.  
When he walked into Joven's room, however, he was stunned to find something taped right across Joven's mouth.  
A strip of silver duct-tape with the words "Loves Wes" written in black Sharpie across it.

_If you wanna play it like a game, well come on, come on, let's play. 'Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending than have to forget you for one whole minute._

By the time Joven opened his eyes, Wes had already taken off the tape. He would have preferred that Joven didn't wake up with that on his face, since, you know. Crush and everything.  
"What the hell... I feel like my skin is covered in glue..." Joven said, rubbing the sides of his mouth, where the tape had been stuck.  
Wes held the tape in his hands in front of Joven's eyes so that he could see it. Joven reached for his glasses and put them on in order to read it.  
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK," came the reply.  
Wes nodded. "A natural reaction. Whoever the hell did this is going down."  
Joven smiled and said, "I think I know exactly who could have done this. And I have a solution to take him down."

_They taped over your mouth, scribbled out the truth with their lies, you little spies. They taped over your mouth, scribbled out the truth with their lies, you little spies._

When Joven and Wes got to the Smosh Games HQ, Joven pointed at Lasercorn and whispered to Wes, "He did it. I fucking know that he did. And the only way to stop him is to make sure that he thinks we actually got together because of it. Nothing ruins his spirits like my happiness."  
Wes felt queasy. Was Joven actually saying what he thought that he was saying? That they NEEDED to act like they were together?  
He had to calm down the inner schoolgirl inside of him.  
Joven suddenly grabbed Wes's hand. Wes freaked out and pulled away, only for Joven to grab it again. "Chill, Wes. It's cool. We're pretending? See?" Joven then winked at Wes to indicate something that Wes couldn't identify over the chorus of angels in his brain scream-singing "HALLELUJAH!"  
He nodded and followed as Joven began to walk towards Lasercorn.  
"Hey, Lasercorn!" Joven yelled with a smile plastered across his face. Real or fake, his smile was bliss to Wes.  
Lasercorn didn't speak, he just looked down at their hands, intertwined with one another's.  
"Oh, hey, guys," came the reply.  
Wes forgot that he was pretending and made up for it with a quick smirk.  
"So... you two are FINALLY coming out of the closet?" asked Lasercorn, with his own smirk.  
Joven shook his head. "There is no closet here. If you already KNEW that we were together, then there's no closet left for us to come out of, right?" he replied.  
Wes was satisfied with Joven's argument. He loved that Joven was also smart and charismatic, which meant that he could argue to you that pigs in fact CAN fly and you would be on the edge of your seat, listening to every point he makes.  
"I-" Lasercorn began to say, but Joven shushed him.  
"Your argument is invalid. I believe we have to go film Game Bang now. We can discuss this issue later. For now, let's get our work done and then return to the topic. Does that sound good, Lasercorn?"  
Lasercorn didn't even bother to speak. He just nodded and left to go into the studio.  
Joven smiled and turned to Wes, saying, "See? Told you. He's totally pissed off. Now come on. We have to go put Wesshire into our Game Bangs."

_Crush... crush... crush, crush, crush...  
Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone. Just th was just counting on. That never happened, I guess I'm dreaming again. Let's be more than... THIS NOW._

Wes had loved every second of filming, from the subtle Wesshire moments to the not-so-subtle. He had been waiting for this day to arrive; and now it was here. He could finally rejoice in knowing how it felt to be the center of Joven's attention.  
"So, about the whole Wesshire thing," Lasercorn said, not even bothering to wait until Flitz, Mari, and Sohinki had exited the room, "Are you two really a thing? Or are you just fucking with me because of the whole duct-tape thing this morning?"  
Joven shook his head. "Ha, if anything, that duct-tape was a catalyst for our relationship. Thank you for that, by the way."  
Lasercorn shook his head. "I'm gonna need some proof if I'm supposed to believe you two."  
Wes gulped. This was it. The end to the whole Wesshire facade. They would burn out and soon the friendship would end, with Wes having to move in with Sohinki or Mari until he could finally afford to get his own place.  
"Sure. No further skepticism needed," came Joven's reply.

* * *

_Rock and roll, baby. Don't you know that we're all alone now? I need something to sing about.  
Rock and roll, hey! Don't you know baby we're all alone now? I need something to sing about.  
Rock and roll, HEY! Don't you know baby we're all alone now? Give me something to sing about!_

Wes couldn't go through with it. He didn't want the relationship to have to be a lie. He loved Joven, but not enough to pretend that he was in a relationship with him all to get Lasercorn off of his back. He didn't want the whole thing to be a cleverly constructed ruse, only to later ruin the friendship and cause a rift between them. He would rather have it done now than have it done later.  
"So... you don't want to kiss me, I presume?" asked Joven when they entered the house.  
Wes sighed. "Look, Joven, I don't want to talk about it, okay?"  
Joven rolled his eyes. "I understand that you're not a liar, but the truth is that I've been wanting to have an excuse to kiss you for a while now. And Lasercorn was in on the entire thing. Okay? I put the tape on my mouth, and I wrote the 'Loves Wes'. Happy now? There is no reason for you not to kiss me right here, right now."  
Wes was unsure. Joven made a compelling argument. There truly WAS nothing standing in the way for him to just flat out kiss Joven right then, but Wes didn't like the fact that Joven had to lie to him and make him feel bad just so that he could try to be "romantic".  
As far as he was concerned, nothing that Joven had done was considerably romantic.  
"Seriously, Joven? I'VE LIKED YOU FOR YEARS NOW! I WAS THE ONE THAT WANTED TO KISS YOU FIRST! I WAS TRYING SO HARD NOT TO SAY ANYTHING TO YOU BECAUSE I KNEW THAT YOU DIDN'T LIKE ME BACK! NOW THAT I KNOW WHAT YOU'D DO TO GET SOMEBODY TO LOVE YOU, I WOULD RATHER MOVE ON!"  
But Joven wouldn't let Wes do that. He grabbed Wes and pulled him in to kiss him.  
There was no spark that Wes could feel between them.  
This was it.  
Joven was no longer his crush.  
But now that he was finally rid of it, he felt empty without it.

* * *

_Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone. Just th was just counting on. That never happened, I guess I'm dreaming again. Let's be more than... more than THIS..._

Wes felt sweat trickling down his face. He had just had the worst nightmare.

He had dreamt that he had gotten over his feelings for Joven.

* * *

**TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-T-THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!**

**Stay Unwritten, Reviewer Party! :)**


	5. Come Out And Play (Iancorn)

**A/N: HOWDY FRIENDS! My name is Unwritten and welcome to another Smosh Games Gold-Mine One-Shot! :)  
This is Iancorn.  
Woohoo.  
Can you hear the excitement in my voice? (hint: There is none)  
But this was a requested pairing, and therefore, I shall do as my friends command.**

**WARNINGS: This one is pretty taboo. Friend-turned-stalker Lasercorn. Graphic violence. Not for the squeamish. (Although I am pretty squeamish myself so this might be bad for me to write). Trigger warnings.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the song "Afraid" by Sarah Fimm and I don't own Smosh. Otherwise Anthony would be my boyfriend and there would be a weekly show where everyone got together to play Rock Band and Guitar Hero.**

* * *

Come Out And Play (Iancorn)

_I'd like to hold you close, make you feel safe, not so afraid of yourself. If we have to part, so it shall be..._

They were friends in the beginning. They had been best friends. Ian and David were practically inseparable. Joined at the hip, some said. They were almost brothers. Two of a kind. A perfect pair. Everyone around them thought so. Ian and David were basically the Bonnie and Clyde of their small town. Wherever one of them was, there was always a definitive guarantee that the other was right there next to him. It was just common knowledge.  
Ian had always been afraid of thunderstorms. When a storm hit and they were in school, David would ignore the teacher trying to give them a lesson to comfort Ian. Throughout their entire school lives, David and Ian were always there for one another.  
During the day of graduation, Ian handed his yearbook to David for him to sign it.  
David wrote, "We might be going to different places and meeting different people, but remember that whenever the thunder is too loud, I'm still always there, right beside you, waiting the storm out."

_I'd like to help you suffer less, not be so locked up in your thoughts. Afraid of love and all under the sun..._

Later on in life, Ian moved back to his hometown, now a college graduate. He visited David's house first.  
He knocked, hoping that it would be David who answered.  
He expected that David had moved out of the house, but it didn't hurt to knock.  
Surprisingly to Ian, the door opened and there stood David Moss, his best friend, the one person that was always there, helping him wait the storm out.  
Ian smiled at his friend and hugged him. "Hey man, it's nice to see you again!" he said, eyeing what David looked like. He was still relatively short, his hair was now dyed bright orange ("for a dare that some of my other friends made me do", he had said), and somehow his eyes were bigger and more brown than before. They were captivating.  
Ian could feel himself blushing as he thought this to himself, and he was invited inside David's house.  
David sat down on the couch and Ian sat next to him. "So, Ian," he said, with an inviting smile on his face, "how are things with you lately?"  
Ian shrugged and said, "Good, good. I met someone. Her name is Melanie, and I think that I really love her. And I'm working with one of my best friends making comedy videos. I think that I've found what I really love to do for a living, and my girlfriend is just the best."  
He was confused when he saw David's eyebrows furrow in mention to Melanie. Ian shook it off. Probably just the overprotective best friend thing that never rubbed off from school.  
But little did he know what was about to be sprung upon him...

_I'll hide out in your space, emptiness on my face... And I'll be keeping you safe when you're cold and alone... till you come out and play.  
_

Ian had just finished his work for the day and he was getting ready to go to sleep. The view from the window was peaceful and quaint. Not a single light in the neighborhood was on.  
The feeling that he was back in his hometown where he belonged settled within him and he smiled. He was home here. Safe. There was nothing that could hurt him now. He turned down the blinds and lied down onto the bed.  
He closed his eyes for one second before hearing his phone go off.  
He sighed and reached for his phone.  
"Hey! How are you tonight?" the text read. It was from a number Ian didn't recognize.  
Ian texted the number back, asking the other person who they were, since he didn't have them saved in his contacts.  
He waited for a reply, and soon enough, one came back. It was David. He apologized for not telling Ian.  
"Don't worry about it. I'm getting ready to go to sleep, I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" he asked David, texting him back.  
He lied down on the bed and waited for the familiar buzz of his cell phone.  
"But I'm not tired yet. I want to talk to you still."  
The reply was weird, at least in Ian's mind. He sighed and shrugged it off. He was tired. It was probably not meant to be as weird as he had thought it was.  
Ian texted back, "I'm sorry, but I'm really tired. We'll talk tomorrow. What about your other friends?"  
As soon as he sent the next message, he got another text. "What the hell, Ian? You can't just come back after five fucking years and not talk to your best friend."  
A chill ran down his spine.  
Something was not right.  
Another text. "What the fuck? What other friends? I don't have any other friends."  
Ian was confused. Then why the hell had he told him that he had dyed his hair orange because of a dare with friends?  
He sighed and shut his phone off. Whether David liked it or not, Ian was jetlagged and he needed some rest. He could talk to him tomorrow.  
Something felt off as he tried to sleep. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he could feel something was off.

* * *

_I'd like to know you more, tell you you're fine, even though you're not... When you worry so much, it makes me want to cry..._

When Ian woke up, he opened his eyes and immediately saw a pair of brown eyes. He felt panic rise in his stomach and he hit the person looking down at him. He heard the person groan and say, "What the hell, Ian? I was just trying to say hi. Jesus."  
It was David. Ian felt a little better knowing that he had hit him pretty hard. Considering how insane he had been the night before, he kind of deserved it. "Sorry, if you would've warned me before scaring the shit out of me, then I would've hit you a little less hard."  
David chuckled but there was no smile on his face. "Look, I'm sorry about last night. I was just-"  
Ian couldn't listen to David speak anymore. He looked around him. This was NOT the hotel room he had been in last night. He felt a scream in the back of his throat and he wanted to let it out, but he was worried that if he did, something bad would happen to him. Something bad at the hands of his once-best friend.  
David could sense the fear in his eyes, because he said, "No, no, Ian stop worrying. When you worry so much, it makes me want to cry." He put a hand on Ian's cheek and looked at him. Before, when Ian looked into those eyes, he felt happiness and a little giddiness, but now, all he saw was a manipulative, controlling, disturbed person. How could this be happening to him? And his best friend, too?  
Ian wanted to cry, but doing that wouldn't solve his problem. He knew that. So he just looked at David. David sighed and said, "Please stop looking at me like that. You make doing this so hard. I didn't want to have to, but... goddammit... I love you. I've loved you since middle school, and when I heard that you had someone else in your life, I just... I got jealous and I wanted you to love me. You understand, right?" Ian simply shook his head.  
"What the hell? Why would you do this? If you would have told me in school, I might have-" Ian began, but David cut him off.  
"I couldn't do that. I was afraid that you'd stop being my friend or that you'd think that I was joking and laugh at me. There was nothing to gain from saying anything to you. If I wanted to tell you, I would have told you. Okay? You don't understand what it's like, having these feelings dictate almost everything you do and realizing that the one person that you want more than anything is dictated by some other person. It's the worst feeling in the world. I love you so goddamn much that I just can't let anyone else take you from me anymore. Please, just let me do this."  
And David kissed him. Something inside Ian was happy that this was happening, but the rest of him was ashamed to admit that that part of him was happy. Something was very wrong within him.

_Fragile like the leaves come fall, red, yellow, gold, I love them all... I guess it's just the way we love..._

Ian wanted to scream again, but he couldn't bring himself to let it out.  
"Thanks. I really needed that," David said, pulling away from him. "Are you okay? If you don't want to be here with me anymore, I'll understand. I'll let you go. I just wanted you to know that so you wouldn't think that I was being a fucking creep."  
Ian knew that David was being a creep anyway.  
But the part of him that had been happy when David kissed him was in full control right now.  
Ian kissed him again.

* * *

_Here I am, I don't wanna come out... no to the bone, I don't wanna come out... I've been dead and I wanna come out... call my name 'cause I wanna come out!_

Every now and then, Ian had thoughts of going back to Melanie.  
He never listened to them. He knew that spending his life with David was so much better. He was so happy when he was with David. He felt like a piece of him was missing every time he left town.  
But Ian smirked as David sent him the creepy texts he was now so used to getting. So demanding. So condescending. He loved them. He loved the feeling of adrenaline that came with knowing that David was stalking him everywhere he went.  
He was in love with the thrill of being everywhere with David, whether he wanted to be there with him or not.  
Yes, Ian was very sick. Very, very sick.  
But he loved being sick.  
And his favorite part? His favorite part about the whole deal by far was the fact that David didn't even love him anymore. He was so happy that he had gotten David to agree to his terms.  
He never deleted the texts he got from David that kept telling him how much he hated him. He kept getting more and more of those texts every day, and he loved all of them.  
In fact, right now, he was reminiscing about the first text he got from David after the deal.

"I will never love you again."

* * *

**PLOT FUCKING TWIST AMIRITE**

**Stay Unwritten, Reviewer Party! :)**


	6. New Cure For Lonely (AntiMarishire)

**A/N: Welcome to my next one-shot! ANTI-MARISHIRE! :D  
I'm not a fan of Marishire. As you can plainly see.  
This is a Grand Theft Smosh themed one-shot set to the song "Give You What You Like" by Avril Lavigne. Hooker!Mari and Drug Dealer!Joven and whatnot.  
Yeah I know that a lot of these are songfics, but music inspires me so I'm going to use whatever source of writing fuel I want because this is my story and I WILL DO WHAT I WANT DAMMIT.**

**Warnings: Hooker!Mari, Drug Dealer!Joven, allusions to sex, use of drugs, language, anti-Marishire/fluffy Marishire, implied character death, also murder.  
**

**DISCLAIMER: I am not Avril Lavigne. Because if I were, chances are pretty high that I wouldn't have married the lead singer of Nickelback. *shudders in horror* Yeah. I definitely wouldn't have married the lead singer of Nickelback.**

* * *

New Cure for Lonely (Anti/Marishire)

_Please wrap your drunken arms around me, and I'll let you call me yours tonight, 'cause slightly broken's just what I need, and if you give me what I want, then I'll give you what you like..._

Mari had never been comfortable in that godforsaken club. Her life had spiraled out of control. Before she worked there, she had been a respected ballet dancer in a big town. She was almost famous. Her boyfriend Peter (ex-boyfriend now, she might as well say) had introduced her to these beautifully life-ruining substances that people called drugs. At first, the boring stuff like marijuana and alcohol. No good stuff. Then, as she kept getting more and more desperate for marijuana and alcohol, he began to show her this amazing white powder called cocaine.  
Maybe she should be sorry that she had ever let a simple substance ruin her entire life, that she had ever let it take control, but honestly, Mari didn't care at all that she was addicted. She was in too deep now to regret it.  
She hated this place. She hated having to show people the mess she had become and give herself to them in order to make a couple bucks. Her boss was a fucking sleazy piece of shit, too, and the money she made was barely enough to get her any drugs or pay rent, even. She was practically clean now. She still felt the horrible shakiness of her withdrawls. She needed something. Anything.  
The only way to get that was to find him.  
He went under the nickname "Joven" so that people wouldn't be suspicious. Mari knew that this nickname was definitely suspicious, considering that the guy's actual name was Joshua Ovenshire and the nickname was just a combination of his first initial and the first two syllables of his name, but the cops in town were so dumb and would never suspect him. In fact, someone with a name that didn't even sound remotely CLOSE to the nickname had been arrested for the same crimes as Joven. With these kinds of cops, Mari knew that there was no possible way that she would be found out for buying drugs.  
She had been waiting for him to stumble into the club for about two months now. She knew that eventually, he'd show up. After all, he lived nearby, and he had feelings for one of the other dancers (Darling. Oh, how he really loved Erin Darling. She was overworked by his constant need for attention from her. Mari was honestly surprised that Erin didn't have enough money to own a small mansion yet.), so it was fate that he would visit.  
Erin wasn't on shift today, so that would mean he would have to settle for one of the other girls, and Mari would volunteer. Kalel was busy getting her makeup just right for when Anthony stopped by to pick her up from work, Melanie refused to dance for anybody that wasn't friends with her boyfriend Ian, Jess was already packed for the entire night, and Brina had quit a month ago because she was getting married and she didn't want to have to work at the club while she was currently married to the man of her dreams. Oh, and that one guy that had actually worked here for when girls would come for bachelorette parties (his name was Wes, Mari remembered) had moved to a different club altogether. Plus, Mari knew that Joven wouldn't want Wes to dance for him anyway. Or maybe he would. Mari didn't know and she didn't really care.  
But there were no other dancers that wanted to be bothered to dance for Joven, so Mari would take the job. After all, she needed him to hook her up with some more cocaine. Anything for that fix.  
Surely enough, in stepped Joven. He walked over to the manager (stupid asshole) and asked for Erin, but the manager told him that Erin was off-duty, but that Mari was available. The manager pointed at her and Joven looked to her. She smiled and waved, putting on her best, prettiest fake smile. Joven smiled back and waved back a little. He nodded and thanked the manager, then walked over to where Mari stood.  
"Hey, uh... Mari," he said, sheepishly. He was looking down at the ground and not into Mari's eyes.  
She smiled and replied, "Hi, Jovie. You can look at me. I'm not going to hurt you. Unless that's what you paid for." She winked at him and he dropped his head, a blush forming on his face.  
"Jovie? Hmm, that's an interesting nickname. I sort of like it," he said, smirking. But he didn't look up at her. She thought that it was cute, him being all awkward and shy around her. He must have been even more so around Erin.  
Mari walked him into the room and waited until he sat down to shut the door, but she didn't sit next to him. "Alright, Jovie, let's cut the crap. I want you to hook me up with some coke. You got that? In return, I'll score you the girl of your dreams."  
Joven looked confused, but he nodded and said, "Alright. You'll try to hook me up? You sure?"  
Mari nodded. "I promise. Have we got ourselves a deal?" She held out her hand in order to shake his, and he outstretched his hand as well.  
"You bet your sweet ass," he replied, shaking her hand.

_Please tell me I'm your one and only, or lie and say "at least tonight." I've got a brand new cure for lonely, and if you give me what I want, then I'll give you what you like..._

Mari felt better than she had ever felt before. Joven was giving her free stuff, and he was going out with Erin in return.  
Sure, he was still hooking up with Mari, but she couldn't control that, because she was under the influence of drugs, and so was he.  
This was so much better than when she was with Peter. Getting these drugs for free, PLUS not having to worry about being caught? This was almost too good to be true. She almost wanted to cry at how beautiful her life was now.  
This had been going on for two months and as Mari had walked into the room, Joven was already sitting there, waiting for her, with a big smile on his face. "Hello, beautiful," he said, smirking.  
She smiled and gave him a peck on the cheek to say hello back. "Hi, Jovie! Do you have the stuff?" she asked, finding her hand reaching for his. They weren't shaking hands anymore, they were just holding hands at this point.  
Joven nodded. "Yep, as usual. But... I'm thinking of breaking up with Erin. Our relationship isn't really doing well anymore. But I'm your friend now, so I'll still hold up my end of the bargain."  
Mari was shocked. "But, I won't be able to hold up MY end of the bargain... Jovie, I can't pay for these drugs. I barely make enough as it is, and you know that. Fuck, what am I going to do?" She held her head in her hands, removing Joven's hand from her's. She wanted to scream.  
Joven moved her hands away from her head, then he held her by the chin so that she was now facing him. "Mari, look at me. I'm not asking for anything from you. All I want is to just keep being your friend, okay? You don't have to pay me. I already get enough money from my other buyers. I'll survive. I don't want your money. You need it more than I do."  
And Mari smiled and hugged him because she knew that he was being sincere. She was so happy that she and Joven were close. She had thought nothing of him at first, and now, he was her best friend.  
She couldn't believe that someone could be her friend like this.  
Maybe she was just using him, but he was still her best friend. He was one of the greatest friends she had ever had.

* * *

_When you turn off the lights, I get stars in my eyes. Is this love? Maybe someday. So don't turn on the lights... I'll give you what you like..._

She supposed she should have known better than to just be friends with someone.  
Soon, Mari realized her worst nightmare was coming true; she was falling in love with Joven.  
She vowed to herself that she would never fall in love with anyone again. Not since Peter screwed her over the way he had. She had never wanted this at all. She wanted to scream. This was the hardest thing ever.  
Her heart ached. She couldn't believe that this was happening. It was the worst feeling in the world. It felt like she was about to die, and she was staring the killing object right in the face.  
Sometimes she would just hook up with Joven because she wanted to. Sometimes she wouldn't even have to get high.

_Emotions aren't that hard to borrow when love's a word you never learned. And in a room of empty bottles, if you don't give me what I want, then you'll get what you deserve..._

But sometimes Joven would show up without her fix. So sometimes, she had to just get drunk and pretend that it didn't matter to her.  
It hurt. A lot. Whenever she couldn't get her fix, she would get shaky and be unable to see things clearly. It hurt her physically to go without it for long periods of time. She just wanted her fix, more than anything.  
Maybe it wasn't Joven she loved, but his connections.  
Either way, she needed him, otherwise she would more than likely go insane.

_I've got this scene in my head, I'm not sure how it ends... Is it love? Maybe one day... So don't turn on the lights, I'll give you what you like..._

One night, when Joven showed up, Mari had been off her fix for almost two weeks.  
He had once again, showed up empty-handed.  
Like that even surprised her anymore.  
"Why don't you have my stuff, Jovie?!" she yelled. She was surprised at how violent she could be at times when she didn't have what she wanted. Joven was completely shocked, backing away from her almost immediately.  
He cleared his throat. "Um, well... I actually just came to tell you something..."  
"Fine, what is it?" Mari asked him.  
"Well, uh... I think... I'm in love with you. The reason I broke up with Erin was because I was starting to have feelings for you. And now that you don't even have to get high to be near me, I figured that maybe things between us could work..."  
Mari was strangely angered at this response.

_I'll give you one last chance to hold me if you give me one last cigarette..._

She dumped the ashes of her cigarette over the edge of the bed as she felt Joven's arms wrap around her for the last time.

_By now it's early in the morning... Now that I gave you what you want..._

After all, he was dead. It would be impossible for him to hold her anymore.  
She smirked as she hugged him back, finally moving the pillow from his face. He had suffocated almost a half hour ago now, so he should definitely be dead by now.  
And she would forget about him completely.

_All I want is to forget..._

* * *

**A/N: Thus concludes this.**

**Stay Unwritten, Reviewer Party! :D**


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